To be honest, these past few months have been so hard. So challenging. I wasn't snapping out of the frustration, discouragement, stress etc. Who wants to hear about that? Who wants to hear about how hard of a time I am having? And, there isn't a final revelation or an 'Ah ha!' moment where it all fell into place. I'm actually still going through a challenging time, even now. Except now I feel differently about writing a blog post about it. I was reading someone else's blog post and there was a line that went something like this: "it doesn't all have to be perfect, you just have to get back up and keep moving".
And then it hit me. I have something to write about because of this: The reason I can get back up a thousand times is because I have Jesus. In all of my worry, discouragement and mess, He is still great. He is holy. He is worthy.
That is something worth writing.
I don't have to have all of the answers. I don't have to have my whole wedding planned right away or know how I am possibly going to get everything I need. I don't need to control every moment or try to do everything on my own.
I need Jesus.
I am still going through this process. I'm still climbing the mountain- almost at the top.
I do, however have some things that God has taught me along the way:
In order to move forward, I need to surrender. I don't have the best plan, He does.
I can trust God. Not just with health or finances or ministry, but with everything.
He hears my prayers. He hears them. He cares. He loves me with an everlasting love.
I go to God and say "Lord, I feel heavy. I feel burdened. What do you want me to do? How do I get rid of this mess? I need to know what to do."
and He tells me "you need to let me in. the reason you have a heavy weight is because you haven't surrendered it to me. give me your worry and stress and I will take it. YOU don't need to do anything. let ME take care of it."
Trusting God seems so easy. Of course I trust Him. These past couple of months, though, I have been asking Him what that means.....and I am realizing I have a lot to learn about surrender.
God IS trustworthy. He is faithful and kind. In all of my mess, He is so great.